Why I Hate Jet Skis

February 19, 2026

Jet skis

Look, I know what you’re thinking. “Old man yells at cloud.” But hear me out.

The Noise

From my balcony, I can hear them coming a mile away. That high-pitched whine echoing off the inlet walls. Used to be you could hear the birds. Now it’s just WEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW all day.

The Manatees

You know manatees are endangered, right? And you know they’re slow, right? So explain to me why Chad from Ohio thinks doing 45 mph through a manatee zone is acceptable.

The Wake

They don’t even slow down past the moored boats. I’ve seen fishing boats rocking like they’re in a storm because some genius wants to show off.

The Exceptions

I’ll admit, there’s one guy - local, been riding here 20 years - he goes slow near the docks, respects the no-wake zones, waves at folks. He’s fine. It’s the renters I can’t stand.

My Proposal

Jet ski licenses should require:

1. Hearing test (to understand how loud they are)
2. Manatee identification quiz
3. A written apology to everyone within 500 feet

Written from the balcony at 9 AM, after the third wave of jet skiers ruined my coffee.